I’m in a liminal state. 4 days in the theater. Arranging, painting, choosing, oh yeah, dancing. Putting the pieces together, in a space that bore no trace of our presence before we started.

Build some platforms, paint the floor. Hang lights, focus lights, cue lights. Space the dance. Mop the floor. Rehang the house lights. Choose a color, go buy the paint. Paint the floor again. Oh yeah, dance. Whats the focus on that move? And that? How about that?

How can we add the slide? Should Carlton’s costume change? How about Lynn Marie’s and Uta’s costume? What is the action for the final light cue? Can we do that again? Time to dance….musicians are here, some seeing the piece for the first time. What can we say to convey the days, weeks, months of decision making on the physical construction. Ljova (our composer) is pretty fluent in the piece. But performers have questions. What are we thinking? Good question.

What color should the platforms be? Is that light cue a 10 count or 5 count? Wow…I just made a connection to that transition. Want to do it again so I can hardwire it…but there’s no time. Photographer here…here to help, as is the lighting designer, our interns, our set designer, our dancers, what do we want them to do?

Run over. Second of the night. Didn’t know last week if I could run it once. Just did it twice. Back is tight. Calfs are tight. Knees are stisff. Still some problems, some concerns, some decisions to make. What looks best? What’s in the way? Can we get what’s in the way out of the way in order to make it look good? Who’s on the complimentary ticket list? Who’s coming? How is the program? Are we forgetting to thank any of the marvelous people who have helped make this happen very step of the way?

Time to paint the floor. Third time. Bit now it looks VERY good.

It isn’t just about making movement. We have stretched, revisited, and been engaged in a process that demands care and attention to EVERY detail, and I love it. I’m in that state right now when nothing matters more than recognizing the thousands, if not the millions, of choices we have made that have led us to this place.

Tomorrow we hand it over to an audience, for just 5 performances, and it kind of makes me sad. They are going to judge it (as they should), they are going to accept it or reject it (as they should) and then it will be gone. As of 11:30 pm on the night before opening it’s still all ours. That changes tomorrow, and while its energizing to share it, there is a part of me that wants to hang onto the choice of colors, line, material, quality, arrangement, sound, experience just for ourselves. I’m invested in every detail. And its over in five days, existing only (we hope) in the memories of our audience. A new show comes in, we leave, and there will be no trace. Who said its fair?